THINGS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT MOTHERHOOD : LONELINESS

Back then, when I was still unmarried, all I could see about the future was how I would raise my child — how cheerful it would be. No heartbreaks, just smiles and lots of cuddles with my little one.

Fast forward — things happened. A baby was born, from my own womb. It felt unreal. Everything went crazy so fast. I was a mess. No laptops, no work uniforms, no paper deadlines, no management signatures — just me and the baby, going through the whole day together.

All I could do was try to survive. Opening my eyes? I was constantly trying to close them. There were endless cries, endless diaper changes; my body was always moving from one place to another. I could barely rest.

And all I could feel was how lonely I was. Of course, my husband was there to help, but he had to go out to work. I felt helpless. I even asked myself, “Am I really this bad as a mom?”

I struggled a lot during those first days after the baby arrived. I barely ate, had no appetite, and all I wanted was a friend to call or someone to visit. Sadly, it was just me, the walls, and my baby.

And then months passed.

I started adapting to my new role — and to my baby. She was growing bigger, getting smarter. The cries became fewer. She smiled and giggled a lot, and it changed me drastically.

I still sometimes feel lonely, but my baby is there, keeping me grounded, giving me strength — reminding me that I can do so much better. That I have so many things to feel, so many things to be grateful for, instead of always feeling helpless and alone.

Better days have come. She’s stronger now. She can help me wash the dishes, clean up her toys, even crack her own eggs and whisk them by herself. Sometimes I think back and wonder — maybe, just maybe, I could have done better for her on that very first day of her life.

Now, I don’t care much about going out with friends — at least not like before. I feel like everything is just enough, and everything has finally fallen into place.